I’ve been meaning to write this blog post for a few weeks now, but I have realized that I need to step away from the I Ho Chuan program. I have a deep respect for the team, and especially for those who have maintained the discipline and built the habits needed to succeed in the I Ho Chuan program.
Unfortunately, I have not built that discipline or established the habits that are needed for success. I truly believe that there is a huge amount of value in the program, and frankly if I had established better habits, I would be in a very different place right now, not only in kung fu but in life as well. I have not, however, built those habits and instead of being a tool that pushes me to better myself the weight of how far behind I am has become crushing and disheartening. This has been a very stressful year with a lot of unexpected and ongoing challenges. My current level of stress is not sustainable and as I indicated in my last post I need to make some serious changes.
While the I Ho Chuan program provides tools to help balance life and become resilient to stress, it has become a stress itself that is poisoning my desire and motivation to even be involved in Kung Fu. It has really caused me to even question if I should even be participating in Kung Fu at all. I still believe that there is a lot of value in continuing to practice kung fu though and I want to be excited and motivated to stay involved. I have been seriously reevaluating my commitments and I am looking to find a level of involvement that is sustainable and which better matches my current capacity.
I wish the team the absolute best with the remainder of the year, and I would still like to help where and when I can. I’m hoping to help with the set up and clean up for the banquet, and the toy drive at the Red Apple. But, I also know that my current forms are virtually non-existent, and I do not see any way that I will be able to build or develop those forms for a demo.
I owe the team, and each one of you, an apology. I have failed you, and for that I am sorry. Stepping back has helped to relieve some of the stress, but I am still disappointed in myself and I am still overwhelmed with everything else that needs to be dealt with. At the same time I am excited to be able to continue with the regular classes and I hope that I will see you there. I deeply wish you the very best with the rest of your year, and I will be cheering you on.