Over the past few I Ho Chuan classes Sifu Brinker has been speaking about how members of the I Ho Chuan program are the product of Silent River Kung Fu. He wants to create a good product that is fit, disciplined and skilled. The members of the I Ho Chuan team are called to be an exemplary product, but to be a good product we are expected to continually be on the journey to mastery and to be pushing ourselves. Every day we should be better than we were. Every Day we are called to be in the best shape of our lives. We are expected to be familiar with our weapon and hand forms and to be able to demonstrate our skills and techniques at a moments notice.
I am not a master. I am not my best self. I struggled with our demonstrations. I fumbled my forms, and I continually put off my training or make excuses. I pretend that I am doing okay as I am still trying to be engaged and joining the events and opportunities with the kwoon, but I know that I am not excelling. I am not building mastery. To be honest sometimes I feel that I am not even maintaining mediocrity.
I was, and I am excited to participate in our classes, yet I know that I can do more and that I should be doing more. Kung Fu is hard. Every day it requires a renewing of commitment. Every day it requires a deliberate choice to practice, to build, to reflect and to refine. I don’t make that decision every day. But I will say that every day that I engage with the kwoon, with the team, is a day that I have made a bit of progress. I know I can do more, and I keep reflecting on the idea that maybe I don’t belong here. Maybe the I Ho Chuan team is more of a commitment than I was actually ready to make.
Yet, while I might not have the motivation and discipline to make every day better than the day before, on the whole, I think I am still moving forward. I can and probably should be doing more reps and push ups every day, but I have done infinitely more this year than I would have without being a member of the team. I am always inspired and encouraged when I leave the kwoon, even if I don’t want to join for the night.
We are getting ready for the Canada Day celebration, and I think this is an opportunity to re-engage and refocus on my training. I know a lot of my team members are working very hard to get their demos ready, and I know that I can do more to prepare myself for the demo as well. Being a white belt is not an excuse for me to be a substandard product for the demonstrations. I can and will work hard. I will prepare for Canada Day in a way that respects and honours the efforts that others in the team are also making.
After our class this evening, I finally got around to repairing my broken tonfa, and tomorrow I will begin the process of refining and building the Tonfa form that I have been intending to do for the past few months. I am making a deliberate decision that I will be engaged for the next three weeks and that I will work harder than I have been.
Also, I figured I might as well include the video from the other week where I broke my tonfa. I have a baseline, and I can do better.
Omg that was the best thing I’ve seen in a long time. You are awesome.
And FYI. Not one of us questions whether you belong. And I don’t think you should either. Having struggles and setbacks doesn’t determine “belonging”. If you WANT to be here, then this is where you belong. Keep taking those steps forward.
Thank you for sharing your forms videos! My absolute favourite part of all of this is that when your weapon broke, you did not stop the recording, you let the panic roll over you and you adapted and over came it, I think this is an excellent replica of the conditions of the tiger challenge and even though you weren’t able to attend in person this year, it seems like this was still a really valuable moment in your training, great job!
Remember that being on the IHC and on the path to mastery is not about how good you are, it’s about what you are doing and how you are engaging. If you’re doing your best and keeping your promises then the inevitable outcome is that you will be in the best shape of your life. The skill will come as long as you keep moving forward.
Also remember, how much you are training during the day is not necessarily reflective of your commitment to the team. We all have a life outside the Kwoon, full of work and family, that we need to keep in balance with our training. Training to the point of sacrificing or damaging our relationships with those around us is NOT what this is about. A well rounded martial artist on the path to mastery knows the importance of balance while being honest about what they are actually doing.
You definitely belong on the team. Don’t doubt that, and don’t doubt that your instructors know what they’re talking about when they say that. You have been setting an exemplary example for your teammates, your commitment has been second to none and although you may not see it, you’re making leaps and bounds with your skill and knowledge. Take pride in what you have accomplished and take a moment to recognize the strength of character that you portray just by taking on this challenge. Well done.